Re-living the good things and bad things talking to certain people.

I haven't blogged for a while and no bullshit, it's because I haven't been bothered and really, I haven't been busy except work.

Over the last two days, I've had a good talk with two people who in my life are in very different positions. Yesterday, I had a really good talk with Abi Webber. Our friendship had sorter faded, not due to any differences or friction but just what's going on in our lives. It was really good, I've missed Abi because I love her honest attitude towards things but also to me, Abi never feeds me shit. I love that about her. Anyway, Abi is a close friend and has been for many many years, probably longer than I can remember and talking to her yesterday really reminded me of how much I missed talking to her but also made me realize that a good friend was distancing from my life and after yesterday, I now won't let that happen.

But also, I've recently been talking to someone about previous relationships and how honest to god, fucked up mine have been. I haven't had a relationship in a good... Two years now? And to be honest, it's never really bothered me. Until recently... There are so many things that I hate about relationships. I really hate the fact that nothing is simple, ever. Everything you do seems to have this catch, sometimes a positive, sometimes a negative. The fact that both you and your other half wants to be in each others pockets yet want space, it screws my mind right up. But of course, not all is bad. Having someone to talk to on a different scale to your best friends is always nice and how you don't really ever feel alone is amazing.

The point of why I'm talking about relationships is because going over this with someone makes you re-live the good times and the bad times. I remember the last relationship I had, it was a very 'Ross and Rachel' thing. We were on and off for a year or so. 6 months, had a break. 4 months, 2 months and then the sour end. Because of this previous relationship, I've always been a total commitaphobe. I've got close to someone and then when things got serious, I pushed them away and destroyed what was built. I did this to about four/five people. I'm not someone who cries about this stuff but I've always worried about whether I will be like this when I'm older, for me - that's scary.

The problem I have with it is having someone who has the 'power' (sorry if that's the wrong word for it) to hurt you. I don't like that feeling of someone having that power over me. At the end of that relationship I had previously, it effected me badly. At the time, football was my life (another reason for why it went wrong) and because when it ended, my football form dipped due to it and I was slowly getting dropped from the team and as well feeling abandoned by the girl who I really was into... The other most important thing in my life was slipping through my fingers and as they say 'I couldn't catch a break/breath'.

Lastly, I know this post is very different to what I've posted before but I've seen people who have acted like the world has ended when they've come out of a serious relationship. The fact is, yes, it hurts and you have the right to be upset and take time to get over it but life does go on. It does. For anyone who thinks that it can't, without a shadow of a doubt in my mind - it does. No matter how bad.

Sorry if I've rambled a bit but I felt it needed to be said to get off my chest.
Good night xx