We call them best friends, yet we stab them in the back.

The title of this blog is a lyric, but it's also very true.

It's a strange one because it comes from a youthful band that lyrically speaks about a lot of the ages of 16 to 19. It's weird because at the moment, it's so true about my current life. I suppose it's true what people say when they say that friendship is like paper, once its creased up, you can never get it back to how it was. No matter how hard you try, it doesn't work. You can make it passable, you can get it to a point where it shouldn't happen again but it's never the same. Yes, I've realised this before but sometimes when you want it to be back to how it was, it becomes so frustrating with trying to sort it.

I'm currently in a position where everything feels so false, because when we hang out - it's normal but it's like stepping on eggshells. At any chance, they'll fuck me over and I know it's a case of people 'changing' but I know it's that, I'd be hypocrite if I said people don't change because I have. It's always going to be different when someone changes but when it feels like they're purposely out to rub something in your face or purposely do something without you and just pass it off. It's like a giant middle finger to your past and your 'friendship'.

I'm very happy with life right now, I'm in a sweet place where I feel pretty victorious or some shit where I think I can do anything (not literally, but attitude wise) but things like this is where you think 'what's the point in getting out of your way to achieve putting someone down?'. It gets to a point where you have to prioritise your friends and think actually who your friends are, certain people you can't help wanting to be best friends with because no matter how hard you try, they're still the kinda people you want to be around or grew up with or some shit.

How to resolve all this? Well, the answer is clear which is to make an effort to see them. The case I'm talking about is slightly more difficult than just to do that, I'm not going to say what that is but ask me personally if you REALLY wish to know, which you probably won't but yeah!

x

Saturday nights

I'm torn!

I have definitely two types of Saturday nights..

In one hand, I have my go out with a group of friends to a party, get nice and drunk and have a quality time seeing people I don't usually see or meeting new people. Proper good night out where I get up the next day feeling either awful or I've remembered to do my regular routine when getting home (drinking 2 pints of juice to fully hydrate myself) and then just having a dodgy gut. All in all, good times.

On the other hand, I have my much more mellow nights. Sit in, not drinking, watching football and chilling out playing a few games, chatting to people on Xbox and generally having a really neutral night, waking up at a good time and feeling good for work the next day. All in all, good times.

Which of these do I prefer? Neither.

This isn't just because they are both so awesome, I don't mind going out and getting sloshed and I don't mind staying in and having a sober night.

It's because I hate it when either of these nights go wrong, you end up just wishing you were doing the other thing.

In general, neither of these do go wrong, they tend to go off without a hitch and it turns out to be a good night. You may think it's over the top, but sometimes both of these occasions can go wrong and I literally hate it.

The drunken nights out, you don't need to be Einstein to work out what could go wrong; police, gate crashed parties, scrapping with someone or even worse. Some people live on these kind of nights, the unexpected which I do also love but it's when they go over the top and you end up feeling like shit because it's not panned out right. That, equals a waste of a night.

The less obvious ones is for my more chill nights, they can go horribly wrong although you wouldn't think it off the top of your head. The things that can go wrong is when nobody's on the Xbox to talk to and you can't be arsed to sit and play it on your own or when some how everybody is out doing something and you're stuck inside, mainly because you sit and sort of stew on the fact you're not doing anything and think of the people who are. You end up sitting there thinking 'I could do something productive like coursework' but then you remember it's Saturday night and no matter how crap Saturday nights are, you just don't do coursework. For instance, tonight is a night that has clearly gone wrong.. I'm sitting in blogging about this, I'm not currently having the eagerness I usually do whilst blogging because I know everyone's out doing things and I'm just sitting here in what could be the most boring ass game I've ever watched, I felt it would be more seeing as it was Man City and Aston Villa.

Negative Zandie. Negative.

Personal Update

Hey guys!

This isn't really a rant or rave about something, I just wanted to let you know what interesting project(s) I'm getting involved in.

Firstly, as you know because I'm always talking about it is my band. This is on a sort of 'hiatus' thing right now because we're all concentrating on college and obviously this time of year is vital in all college courses so we're taking a short break from writing (which you may not believe because you haven't heard anything right now) which actually is coming on really well, some really good lyrics coming through and really nice guitar riffs.

This brings me on to our other reason, we think it's pointless sort of bragging and raving about our band when we haven't got any where to practice right now so we're all working individually which is good but it becomes a bit boring after a while because you can't really put anything to action, you just share ideas. This made me decide to transform my garage into a rehearsal space for the band. This in itself a 'project' because it's massive, the mess is unbelievable in there, more like a bomb site but we're all getting stuck in to completely transform it because the pay off is huge, a regular place to practice and perhaps even record. This will be taking place during February, due to money constraints before the 4th of February (AvA gig in London).

Next - a passion that's come through in the last two years is directing and acting but I haven't really got a huge amount of equipment to use but I have some basic gear to be familiar with so I've decided to put wheels into motion on creating music videos that don't involve the band but they tell a story in line with the lyrics and instrumentals. I don't know if you have seen, but I made that 27 second clip of blink-182's 'I Miss You' which was a really short video that took me an hour to shoot and put together. Nothing too technical but it was pretty cool and I was kinda proud of it because it was nicely edited together and with the music etc.

These won't 27 second clips though, they will be stories that at times are emotionally deep but also not boring and depressing. This will be taking off straight away and I will be putting them on my YouTube channel 'ZandieTV' and I will be setting up an individual facebook page up so you can keep up to date with some of the stuff I'm shooting. Due to the lack of really good equipment I have, this isn't going to blow you away BUT because I love doing it so much, I'm going to make it the best I possibly can with what I've got so I would always say that do expect something pretty good because I'm not going to be uploading any shit, I'll hopefully perfect each video before uploading. Any support on that would be quality; acting roles, song recommendations, ideas, camera angles, get fully involved because this isn't just a project that I will be doing alone. I've already got a song in the pipeline that I've started drawing ideas up for which I hopefully, if things go to plan, shoot on Tuesday evening. I will probably be acting in it and will be getting a female actor and helping direct and shoot the video will be my best friend, Matt Urquhart.

I'll keep you updated with that if you're interested.

Cheers x

Spoilt brats.

Time for a good old fashion rant.

I've recently been noticing people on facebook (and twitter) going crazy about how much of a wanker the parents are. This personally drives me up the wall so much, I literally cannot stand some of the stuff people write and then you see in the comments section that it becomes the lamest excuse of a reason to call their own parents 'wankers' or siblings.

I would just like to say before anyone has a moan at me is I do accept some people have problems with their parents and some genuinely do 'hate' them because some families can be messed up to beyond belief so please excuse yourself from this rant. I also exclude someone I know who's parents are so strict, she may as well not have a life.

It's the people who have a totally normal life but can't stand not getting their way, I know some parents are strict but don't you find that these sorts of people come out really well? Go on to lead quality lives, make lots of money, meet someone and start a family. They do well. Before you say, I'm totally for children, teenagers and young adults for living their life, my parents for one are strict but also have a lot of give so I can go out where I want, go to places the other side of the country and generally go out and have a good time at parties and things but at the same time they have some strictness with things such as behaviour because my siblings and I don't get away with a huge amount if we're slacking or being a prick or causing trouble.

I can understand when it's frustrating but you see some people saying things like 'I CAN'T WAIT TO MOVE OUT' - yeah, okay, you're 15. It's gonna be fucking years yet, grow a dick (or a pair of tits). It's the concept that ignorant teenagers who completely forget that they have a roof over their head, hot meals and lunch every day that take it totally for granted. I'm not perfect, there are certain things I've done where I've completely taken what I've got for granted and fucked off and done what I want, but I have never once said 'I HATE MY PARENTS' or some shit because I'm always now concious of what they have done and giving a little back is the least you can do and if something were to happen, e.g. god forbid but one of your parents died, I know for a fact you'd feel lost and hurt substantially.

I also accept that people don't often get on with their parents, heck, this year I didn't talk to my mum for ages when everything was happened and yes, I disliked her but I never ever said I hated her and I wanted her to 'fuck off' or 'die' because at the back of mind (no word of a lie), I appreciate what they've done and what they're currently doing under completely different circumstances to say what, 2 years ago. I've also had several arguments with my dad this year and I've never once done this. I would also like to point out that this certain blog post isn't trying to justify that I'm perfect because I'm far from it. I'm simply sick of people taking it totally for granted.

ANYWAY. Done!

Cheeeeers ears. x

2011

Last night's new years party was tiny compared to last years carnage but I thoroughly enjoyed it for a few reasons; seeing people who are close but haven't seen in a while, couple of newer people in my life and genuinely enjoyed the way I/we rolled into the new year. It was a cool night and thanks to the people who came.

New years resolutions are usually naff things that nobody ever holds to and because of that, I never actually do them. This year, I actually set one which is to cut the bad diet and get back in the gym from February. The reason for it being Feb not Jan is because I've got the Angels & Airwaves gig in London and there is a bunch of things I need to pay for.

I have set more targets I'd like to achieve for this year though, I want to finish my college course with a good result, merit or distinction, I want to get my band back on track and I also intend on sorting out my garage and turning it into an area where my band can practice, record etc, bit of a monster job but if I'm dedicated to it, it's do-able, I also want to decide whether I'm going to continue something in college or go into full-time work. In the summer of 2012, I have plans with Matt Urquhart to spend 6 weeks in California so I'd love to start getting money for that. I also want to achieve more with directing and acting this year, I'm not 100% sure how I'm going to do it yet but I hopefully can follow that through, it's a passion that is growing on me more and more with everyday.

I intend on stepping out a little more this year, nothing too dramatic but just experimenting with life a little more and taking more chances, yes, I will have bad times this year but that's the same as every year but I want to do everything I can to make sure this year goes well.

Hope you had a good new years party or whatever you did.

Cheeeeeeeers x